i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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