woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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