overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
