First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
