so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
