She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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