Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
