Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
