So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
