So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
