party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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