The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
