you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
