just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
