The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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