I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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