I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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