Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
