dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
