Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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