Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
