At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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