Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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