If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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