eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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