Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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