So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
