Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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