one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
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