This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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