My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
