are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
