How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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