What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
