Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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