I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
