yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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