how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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