I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
