Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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