Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
