Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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