"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
