i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
