This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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