So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
