You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
