She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
