Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
