dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
