We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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