We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
