I could make wine with my vomit
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
