you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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