I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
