Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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