Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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