I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
