Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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