Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
