I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
