May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
