capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I looked at my own cervix.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.