I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
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She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
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Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just want nice things and good sex
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.