I hate your face
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen