Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
