He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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